Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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