got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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