It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
