I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
