It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
