So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
