he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
