Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
