I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
