So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There r osticjed everywhere
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
