She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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