Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
