Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
