I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
