i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
