I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
3pm strippers are depressing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
