xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He felt like a one man threesome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
