I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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