When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
