I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
