I think my fart just growled at me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
