My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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