I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
