how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
