summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
