I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
