You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
