how can u be prego again
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
