oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
