I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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