I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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