Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
