You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
