6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
