so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
