but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
