I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
