I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
