I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
