So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
