I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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