Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
