u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
