Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
