I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No subtext here. People are naked.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
