I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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