i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i think i just lost a toe
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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