speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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