Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
