just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
