Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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